peegee hydrangeas and other dreams.

September 15, 2014

hydrangea I keep a running list of plants I want in my one-day garden. They’re green and grassy with subtle shades of pinks and whites. The list is in my head and I’ve been meaning for months to transcribe it into a notebook. But transcription means knowing the plant names instead of being satisfied to remember them by the bits I like most.

Yesterday, James and I borrowed my mom’s car and drove out to the South Shore of Long Island with Faye. We showed our faces briefly on the sunny beach before deciding that the beach at noon with a three-month old is as silly an idea as we suspected. So we took a hike through the scrubby beach woods instead and then set off to find giant ice cream cones.

On the drive back to the city we had a long talk about where we’re headed next. It was a combination of awfully boring adult stuff snuggled next to fuzzier dream stuff. And the dream stuff is so fuzzy. Just really bits and pieces of what a life might look like. Details, not the big picture. Like that list of plants whose names I haven’t even bothered to write down and which I’m not sure could even thrive in the same soil.

Is that how it always goes? A kind of fuzzy vision of the future that sharpens itself bit by bit? Or do you need to sand off the edges yourself? To finally write down that list and scratch off the bits that don’t fit together until you’re left with things that do? Like everything else, the answer must lie somewhere in the middle. Somewhere between letting go and tightening up.

Right this minute, I think I’d rather just dream of a fuzzy future where I see nothing but a tiny seaside house flanked by peegee hydrangea trees that turn golden pink in September.

hydrangea

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7 Comments

  • Reply Mahallia September 15, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    I love this. I think no matter how those edges get sanded and smoothed the dream is what comes first. Gotta have the fuzzy dream stuff!

    Pretty flowers πŸ™‚

  • Reply Sarah Spitz September 15, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    dreaming ist good, it so important to never stop dreaming and still be surprised by small things!

    Love from Germany and the -fatcatconnection-
    http://lasagnolove.blogspot.de/2014/09/open-up-your-mind-and-see-like-me.html

    Bird

  • Reply Abbie September 15, 2014 at 4:13 pm

    The sanding is tiring and tedious and sometimes painful. The dreaming makes it worth it πŸ™‚

  • Reply emily @ cabin fervor September 15, 2014 at 7:55 pm

    I've been thinking about this a lot lately, with big decisions on the horizon. I think many of us have to sand off those edges ourselves, at least to start with, and sometimes we have to lop off entire chunks to make the pieces fit. It can be tough to let go of those unrealized bits, but in my experience these compromises often lead to exciting things we'd never thought to dream of.

  • Reply Second Floor Flat September 15, 2014 at 9:10 pm

    Yes ma'am. It starts with fuzzy, and that fuzziness eventually becomes more and more clear until you know exactly what you want and just have to act. I'm headed towards a big journey myself this winter, so I'd love to hear more about your experience as well.

  • Reply Becca - Rebecca Atwood Designs September 21, 2014 at 2:39 pm

    I love this post! I must admit I find myself thinking about where we will live and how that will all work pretty frequently. We love being in Brooklyn now…but recently I've been dreaming more and more of living by the ocean again. Going home this summer made me so homesick for it! I want a garden where I can plan some vegetables and flowers too…Definitely black-eyed susans and foxglove for my childhood, and Dalias to remind myself of our wedding and my sister's too. Anyways, I find this has been on my mind but can't quite imagine how we'd get from here to there and when we'd ever be ready to leave our neighborhood in Brooklyn (although the rents just keep going up!). You've put it so eloquently as always! Have a great weekend.

  • Reply Sophia moreno-bunge October 8, 2014 at 2:21 am

    Love this post! XO

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